Today’s post is going to be a little more personal and less nutrition-y. But I think it’s relevant and may help those of you on both the nutrition and training front. If you follow me on social media, you know that this past Saturday I ran the F^3 half marathon here in Chicago. It’s truly one of my favorite races as you never know what you’ll get from the weather (I mean a half marathon in the middle of January in Chicago), the Chicago running community comes out in full force for it and it’s a great course - starting and ending at Soldier Field. I’ve been running the race every year but once (due to injury) since moving to the city in 2012. So it’s become somewhat of a tradition. It’s where I set my half marathon PR/PB. The last 3 years I’ve paced the race. This year I decided to race it as it fell at a good point in my training block for the Austin marathon - my A race coming up in a little over 3 weeks.

The week leading up to and night before the race were a bit stressful both personally and professionally. Despite the life stress I had a good workout and all my runs the week leading up to the race indicated I should easily be able to hang with the 1:30 pace group for most of the race. I wasn’t looking to PR as I knew that might be a bit out of reach. But my coach, Dan (DWRunning), and I felt like 1:30 was doable even with the anticipated snowy forecast.

The day before the race I woke up with a sore throat and feeling very groggy and tired. Not the way you want to feel the day before a race. I tried to shake it off and get through my day. I didn’t make it to the gym to get my shakeout run in until 5pm. Oh and I got my period. So needless to say I was feeling like things were not really lining up well for me. The weather had me nervous as well as freezing rain and snow/sleet mix would make for a potentially slick and sloppy race. I texted Dan about my concerns and he encouraged me to have fun and put the time goal out the window. If only it were that easy…

The morning of the race I woke up and did my typical pre-race routine. Made coffee, walked the dog, and ate a wheat bagel topped with PB&J. The really great thing about F^3 is it doesn’t start until 10 am. So no waking up at the butt crack of dawn and trekking into the city. En route to Soldier Field I sipped on a water bottle filled with Nuun to ensure I was adequately hydrated and forced down a banana (once my nerves start to set in, it’s hard for me to get in any solid food) to top off my glycogen stores. My legs felt a little heavy, which was to be expected as I didn’t taper for this race and was going in with 30 miles already on my legs that week. But ultimately I felt like the 1:30 was still within reach - especially because the temps were climbing above freezing and the path was just ridden with puddles - which are much easier to handle than ice.

I did a quick 2 mile warm up and felt a bit more confident and comfortable. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. I lined up with the 1:30 pace group - led by one of my favorite pacing buddies, Randy. The countdown started and we were off. I tucked into the group and tried to just listen to the conversation and cruise. But my body had other plans.

Miles 1 and 2 felt relatively good. But by the time I hit mile 3 I noticed my breathing was much more labored than I would have liked it to be and that the pace felt like work - hard, hard work. Not like something I could maintain for 10 more miles. I lightened up a bit thinking I would keep the pace group within sight and once I felt good again, rejoin them. Well that never happened.

I saw my husband, Andrew, around mile 3.5. He was smiling and cheering and as we made eye contact I just shook my head. Not a good sign when you have over 9 miles to go. I knew then it was not my day. I contemplated turning around and calling it. But decided ultimately this is a training run for another more important race in the future and I should tough it out. Maybe it’d get better. If I could just hold 7:00s I’d be happy with that.

7:00s turned into 7:15s and eventually it was all I could do to maintain a 7:20-30 pace. I went through so many emotions over the next 9 miles. Anger at my body. Frustration with my mental state. Defeat. Wondering if racing at my once PR pace was no longer in the cards for me. I could not make my legs move any faster. What was wrong with me?!

Mental tricks that usually worked to get me through tough spots didn’t. I thought about why I run. Dedicated miles to those close to me. Thought about my father who inspired me to start running. It just so happened that the race fell on his birthday and I tried thinking about how regardless of the time on the clock, he’d be proud to see how far I’ve come since our last run together and since his passing away from cancer in 2001. This thought and knowing Andrew would be there at the finish to pick me up was ultimately what carried me through.

Eventually I made it to mile 12. The end was in sight. I picked it up for the last 1/2 mile to finish in just under 1 hour and 35 minutes. By no means is this a bad time. And I’m grateful to even be able to run. It just wasn’t what I know I am capable of.

All the post-race drinks at Twisted Spoke

I immediately walked away from the finish line and started crying. A few deep breaths, reassuring words from Andrew and a very slow cool down mile calmed me down a bit. But I was still frustrated. Unlike most years, I skipped the after party celebration and Andrew and I made our way to brunch. A big cup of hot coffee, bloody mary and plate of hash at Twisted Spoke (seriously, the BEST bloody marys in Chicago) helped ease the pain. Followed by a long nap cuddled up on the couch with our dog, Layla and my new favorite nap requirement - a weighted blanket.

It wouldn’t be until Monday that I would chat through what happened with Dan. He helped me see that this was just one day and doesn’t define me. We all have good days and bad days. And this was just a bad day. By no means was it indicative of my fitness level or the last 3 months of training that I put in. There were a lot of factors that contributed to my feeling like crap. I could let it get to me and dwell on it. Or I could move on and focus on the next workout and the next race. So I did. And I am.

In reflecting on this race almost a week later I realize how truly thankful and lucky I am. Lucky to have something I am passionate about and love so much that it makes me emotional when I don’t do well. Thankful to have such supportive people in my life to help lift me up when the going gets tough.

I hope this recap helps inspire you on your tough days. To know you aren’t alone. There are parallels to this race and your nutrition as well - especially as the Super Bowl is around the corner. Did you know the Super Bowl is one of the highest days of calorie consumption in the US? Guess what - it’s one day. It doesn’t define you. Indulge mindfully. Enjoy yourself and remember tomorrow is a new day. Start fresh and keep your eye on your long term goals.

Reflections on a Struggle Bus: 2020 F^3 Half Marathon Race Recap